Mamak, satu ayam goreng.

“The 1Malaysia concept is more popular than Milo, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC), the badge and logo of 1Malaysia has no competition because some like chicken and some may not like to eat chicken, but everyone likes 1Malaysia,” said Najib” — Bernama, Apr 22, copychecked HAZ MCD RV JRL.

Well my happy friends, our Prime Minister has just compared his benevolent all-encompassing ecumenical messianic prophesy to a Snack Plate and an over-sweetened chocolate drink. Good for the body, good for the soul. Sic transit in gloria mundi.

This is very funny, but it also points a withered bone at a much more serious problem. The other day I ranted about the mess we make, and the subsequent chest-thumping we engage in when nobody seems capable of cleaning it up (thank you for reading it). Now here we have its twin: prostitution. We are all back-alley hos and sell ourselves, body  and soul, without knowing what we buy in return.

Disagree? KFC! Milo! Think of all the ghetto jokes you can make. Better than the Zimbabwe thing which is getting a bit old.

Take the ridiculous Hulu Selangor by-election, for example. In the greater scheme of things (not much greater, if you think about it) Hulu Selangor does not matter.

Najib, in all his wisdom, has gone and declared that Hulu Selangor is a referendum on his 1Malaysia bullshit and his latest tactic to steal from the poor and give to his wife, I mean the New Economic Model.

Well excuse me pink-lips. I speak for myself. The people of Hulu Selangor do not vote for me. Or did you think this was Umno and you could get away with bribing your Delegates at the Mesyuarat Agung and then proclaiming it a national victory?

[Note to self. Najib said this: “Jika saya tidak bernilai, beliau (Obama) sudah pasti tidak menemui saya. Tetapi sekarang pembangkang mengadakan cerita  bahawa saya melutut kepada AS.”

Woi pembohong, nilai engkau tepat RM77 million. Bukan saja pembangkang yang buat pasal. Aku sendiri mendakwa. Kalau sanggup menjual buntut sendiri, jual lah. Buat hal Anwar meliwat Saiful, buat lah. Aku tak peduli. Tetapi jangan jual maruah Ra’ayat Malaysia kepada sesiapa. Pengkhianat!]

So what if estate workers are paid RM200-something a month? So what if children have no schools and their parents no paying work? So what if housing estates for the middle class have been abandoned?

Do you honestly care?

What has any of it to do with your life?

The Nut Graph and Malaysiakini are on the right track asking Kamal Alan Nathan, or whatever the hell that spineless goat’s name is, questions about federal policy. That’s the job of a federal MP, in case we’ve forgotten, and the MIC man’s jellyfish evasiveness should tell you something that you really, really, ought to have known since 1957: politicians are cheap and, since we keep re-electing the same pack of thieves to Parliament, so are we. (There is also the question of his academic credentials, which you can read about and decide for yourself at RPK’s, but you’d have to be incredibly stupid to fake something like that and not expect to be found out.)

Zaid Ibrahim, erstwhile Umno fatcat, has not been asked the same questions by the same people. This is unfair and wrong. The portals might think we already know what his stand is on things like the Internal Security Act and that we must be aware that he blogs here on WordPress. At the very least he resigned on principle from the Cabinet and from Umno, even if he was embroiled in some nonsense while punching his ticket in the Kelantan division some years ago, and that should be enough for a die-hard ABU fanatic.

It is not. It should never be. But it also doesn’t matter because we’re not voting. The people of Hulu Selangor are. And they, like us, can be bought with promises, gimmicks, and Khalid Ibrahim’s bribes, hand-kissing, back-slapping, more feel-good nonsense, KFC and Milo.

The only thing Hulu Selangor proves is how quickly we get taken in and swept along with the general tide of pro-BN or pro-Pembangkang electoral tomfoolery. I mean, do we really need to have nationwide by-elections every damned day just to get government policy moving?

ABU, yes, but what about those of us who do not subscribe to PKR’s Umno-in-opposition politics, or the DAP’s unrepentant chauvinism, or PAS’s conservatism (yes I exclude Khalid Samad, Dr Zul, Hatta Ramli, Siti Mariah and the rest of those pro-People troublemakers) — or for that matter the whole destructive mess of hyperpartisan Malaysian politics?

Can there be no meeting point between Muslims, non-Muslims; Malays, non-Malays? Can there be no work towards showing, once and for all, that this silly Marxist thesis-antithesis division is a false dichotomy created for the purpose of fooling us into blasphemous idol-worshipping lunacy?

You tell me.

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